20180529_182854It’s my birthday, I’m 18 today and I’m not going to lie the last 17 years of my life has been amazing, there have been times when the road has been rough but at the end it’s all worth it. Today I’m going to write a beautiful note to my self, more like a birthday present to my self.



Miracle, my pretty, bold and strong Miracle. I’m so happy i got to live with you and know you, for the 18 years I’ve known you now i don’t think i ever thought for once that your creation or birth was a mistake, you are a wonderful creation the decisions you’ve made has affected my life positively and the once that affected my life negatively have taught me lessons only life can teach me.
Today you are 18 and trust me your past 17 years have been fulfilled and has been the best in my life. Your passion to help and teach humanity is overwhelming, you are so large hearted and sometimes its taken for granted, you are also quick to do away from toxic people, nobody is irreplaceable in your life, your relationships are strong and healthy.
Yes, you are also a fierce feminist, an alpha female, an upcoming orator, an outstanding writer.
You have so many dreams that even scare you yourself, but you are willing to acheive these scary dreams. Your inspirations are your experiences and life itself.
Just know you are just you, nobody is you and there cannot be another you. She’s going to love you like there’s no tomorrow but she really doesn’t know how to express it but trust me she loves you.

I give this testimony every year’s birthday and I’m still not ashamed of giving it. I am a living testimony not just from my birth but till today, I’ve been fighting from day one and till today I’m still fighting, for 18 years now I’ve fought this fight with God by my side. The day i was born i lost my breath for some hours after some prayers i came back to life. Every day i wake up saying for God to give me back this life that means there is a purpose, every day i roam believing the doctor’s report over me cannot be a set back, my name still works for me and if you don’t believe well i still believe I’m the Miracle the world is waiting for.
I was later diagonised with Jaundice, but baby Miracle fought, yes she fought. Once a warrior always a warrior, the jaundice may have left a little trace till today but I’m still me, today I’m living my best life, being the best woman, impacting lives the way i can and still loyal to my God. God gave me back this life and he’s the only one who can take it, all these sicknesses in my body are literally just playing games. Happy birthday EGBUDE MIRACLE SHALOM AMARACHUKWU ADESEWA. I love you so much.




Mimi’s Round Table.

Mimi’s Round Table is my podcast that I’m starting really soon and basically I’m just using this opportunity to create awareness for it. As a blogger together with being a student blogging can be really stressful and time consuming, so i decided to start a podcast where i can just talk rather than writing, editing then posting. Moreover, most people don’t like reading, they just glance through my post, but owning a podcast would be a very efficient way to pass my message as listening is easy and doesn’t take a person’s full attention.

I hope you guys anticipate the podcast and i promise not to bore you guys.

So i present to you(drum rolls)






screenshot_2017-07-29-13-26-26-e1552086394787.pngIn the spirit of the women’s day, I’m going to be writing about 2 major issues women face and note that these articles were written by me not today, i will write the year i wrote them below them.
Also i will be writing my personal experience as a woman.

We hear of this situation everyday, virtually every home, every family, it lives with them, it exsits, men, women , why?
Our mothers, our fathers and every one why do you embrace domestic violence? It lays an ambush for the future to come.
Let me shed more light on the topic of my article before i go on. Domestic vioence is the willingful intimidation, physical assault, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behaviour as part of a systematic of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another in a domestic setting like marriage or cohabitation.
I will discuss more about domestic violence in marriages and homes since that is the most popular scenario. One in three women world wide are affected by domestic violence, it is very rare to find a man victim although they are among but the majority affected are the women.
One would never guess what these victims go through because they refuse to walk around as victims and were this as a badge for the world to see and pity them for they don’t want anyone to see what they have been through because there is a shame attached to it, a sense of ‘self blame’ as if they deserved to be beaten or called names.
Why did you marry them if you knew you won’t treat them right?
Why did you take those vows if you knew you won’t bring out the best in him/her?
I plea don’t go into that covenant, that life time commitment, don’t take that oat nor make those vows if you would end up destroying their dreams and laying an ambush to all their desires for the relationship.
I now realise that they are many of us men, wonen, youth, children out there, thousands of us who have been hurt by people who were supposed to love and protect us. But I’m here to tell you, you are not a victim, you are a survivor.
Each of you has that grace to use your devastating past as a step stone to a great and brighter future.
Every story matters and every voice should be heard.


A must read for all women young and old.
Discrimination against women is another social problem faced in our society. Women can be discriminated anywhere. Anyways before i move further, legislation has broadly defined discrimination against women as any distinction, exclusion or restrictions made on the basis of sex which has the effect or purpose of imparing or nullifying the recognition, enjoyments or exercise by women irrespective of their marital status, on a basis on equality of men and women of human right and fundamental freedom.
Women are discriminated in virtually every part of the world, some people think discrimination against women was only done in the olden days, but we also see it now, most of our men exercise it, they discriminate against us women but they don’t know, they see it as a part of life but I’m here to say NO.
We women are more than just cooks, washing machines, baby making machines, cleaners.
Why would you say you won’t send your daughter to school because she would end up in a man’s house? Who told you we can’t stand on our own? Who told you we can’t be the bread winners?
We can be what ever we want to be, we are women. We are strong, we are beautiful,smart, funny, kind , unique, we are worthy of love and affection, we are never too much we are always enough, we are precious, we are diamonds, roses, pearls, we are the most stunning of all God’s creations. We are worth more than we can ever imagine, worth more than the number on the scale, or the hair product we use. Your worth surpasses all earthly things because in the eyes of God you are loved.
Regardless of who you think you are the truth is you deserve someone who will give up their life for you because you are powerful and capable.
Read about the women in the Bible, Esther, Ruth, Martha, Mary, these women changed the world forever and each and everyone of you is a woman with that same world changing capability. THIS IS WHO YOU ARE, YOU ARE AWSOME. ( This paragraph was gotten from an inspirational video)
Don’t allow anyman to intimidate you, don’t let any mother or father put you down or make you feel inferior, you deserve the best, you deserve to be educated, to be groomed in a proper way, you don’t deserve to be sold out for marriage at a young age. Women can also lead,we are not followers, we are worth being respected.
Nobody in the world has any right whatsoever to discriminate against us ( women).
You are a woman, your voice deserves to be heard.


Nigeria is based in the west side of Africa and I’m sure we know Africa comes with so many socio- cultural issues especially to women. As i always say A woman is the most endangered specie ‘especially in Africa’.
Women are treated without respect here, without regard and like the ‘other being’ and i don’t think I’ve been an exception in any way.
The basic issues women face in Africa are;

• Domestic violence

• Body shaming

• Cat calling

• Discrimination

• Trafficking and many more.

IMG_20190122_134844_784Domestic violence as i wrote in the early article is virtually everywhere, but personally I’ve never been a victim of it so i won’t go into details about it.
Body shaming, i don’t think there’s any girl in this earth that hasn’t been a victim of this, i personally have cried for this. Walking on the streets I’m being body shamed, sitting in class I’m being body shamed , talk less of other girls.
I live in Lagos, Nigeria here i can’t even go to the market without being body shamed.
Walking on the streets and hearing guys or rather men call me orobo (fat) funny enough I’m not close to fat.
Let me tell you one of my experience, i was on my way to the market one day and i had to take a bike (motorcycle). Where i stay there’s a junction where these bikes stay and wait for passengers. As i was coming towards them, two started calling me and i got in one and the other said he called me first to cut the long story short, in his anger of me not getting into his bike, he started saying I’m not fine and how my shape or my body was not fine too.
I was just like waw and started laughing. Does every insult have to be pushed to our body?

Another one was when i was in school, high school to be precise and an analysed told me how little my boobs were. What could i do but think when i got home.
Lol but at this point i really don’t care what anybody thinks about my body.
Ladies listen this should be your mind set; any one who is taller than me is too tall, anyone who is shorter than is too short, anyone who is finer than me is too fine, I’m just perfect.
Now, cat calling; it is actually related to body shaming. For example i can just be walking on the road and a guy starts calling and i refuse to answer and the same person that wanted to shoot his shot if i had answered him decides to tell me how ugly i am just because i refuse to answer him.
Discrimination; discrimination is not something i can finish writing about in a day. Let me give you an example of my friend, she’s a female basketballer in our university. One day she came to my room and was complaining how she and the other female basketballers are been neglected at the court just because they are female.
I know how boys tell me i don’t have any problem because i will end up marrying someone rich and won’t have to think of the future because it’s secured. My life doesn’t revolve around a husband. Most guys unconciously discriminate, please be sensitive of these things, they hurt.

Trafficking; I’ve also never been a victim of this so i can’t really say anything about it but it is also one of the problems we face here.
There are some misconceptions people have about me;
I know most girls like money, they can literally do anything. Don’t mean to sound proud but I’m not cheap. I don’t want anything from you i don’t need money, i can take care of myself. I have a father that sponsors me so why would i need a guy’s money. Guys should never think money impresses me or money can win me cause you are a joke if you think such.
Ok i think this is getting too long so i will stop here. Thank you for reading, don’t forget to like, share and comment your opinions.
I love you guys and happy weekend❤

Two love letters💌💌

The first letter is dedicated to the ‘proposed’ love of my life😊😊. If you don’t have a val and you see this and it makes your day, you are welcome.
Since i really don’t have anyone to write love letters to i decided to share it on my blog to both the single and taken.
This is actually my first time writing a love letter, i hope it is beautiful. Feel free to comment your thoughts below.


My love,
Reading this letter you may be thinking who still writes love letters. Lol i still write love letters I’m in love with the love of the old where they give letters, flowers, forehead kisses.
I’m so in love with it but i have never gotten the love of the old. Well i want to start that with you, i hope this valentine springs up something in our lives.
I learnt that valentine is the day you appreciate your lover and i don’t mind doing that. To be honest i never fancied gifts or money or expensive things what i really wanted from a lover was appreciation and attention and you have always shown me how much you can do that.

No doubt you are a blessing to my life you brought light in the midst of darkness, you made me smile when i made up my mind to be sad, you are a ray of sunshine, you make me feel so safe, when you kiss me on my forehead i feel like nothing can ever hurt me when you are there.
Nkem, whenever i see you i feel the love God has for me for sending a saviour in my time of depression, an angel in my time of troubles, a rock when i needed defence. Today is Valentine’s day I don’t need your gifts all i want is your love, your appreciation and attention.
Although we fight, your ability to understand me so well is overwhelming, your ability to control my mood swings and deal with such a psychopath like me it is only evident you were sent from God.
I’m so lucky to have found a guide, a friend, a brother, a best friend, a father, a counsellor, a therapist, an angel and so many wonderful things in you.
I always respond with ‘i love you more’ not because i love you more than you love me but because i love you more than our fights, i love you more than our bad days, i love you more than our broke and hungry days, i love you more than trying times and all the circumstsnces we are going to face. Yes I’m not loving to suffer but if I’m going through trials, i want to go through it with you by my side.
My love thank you for loving and accepting me despite my flaws, you turned my flaws to perfection and used it to love me even more. Thank you for always complementing me even when i know i look horrible, thank you for finding something good in every of my bad side, thank you for telling me I’m wrong when I’m wrong, thank you for critising me, thank you for making me a better person, thank you for making me believe i could love, thank you for making me believe we fall in love with personalities and not possesions, i don’t care what you have or where you are as longer as you are still you i will stay beside you, i will choose you over and over again because the ability to fall in love with you all over again every morning i wake is divine. You hear me before i speak, you answer before i call, you wipe my tears while I’m yet to cry, what more would i have asked for if not you my love?

My life would have been miserable without you. My heart doesn’t beat for you, you are my heart. You give me courage to do so many things i never thought i could do, you teach me, you inspire me, you push me, you train me, you are every thing i needed in a person.
You know the place of a woman and know she should be respected that’s why i love you.
I’m so sorry for locking your heart even when i know i don’t deserve you.
I will never be able to appreciate you enough for finding your way to my heart.
I pray our love continues to blossom and radiate. I pray this love will never die.
I love you.

Your own❤




To the voiceless, to the weak,to the abused, to the sucidial, to the depressed , happy valentine’s day.
You may have given up on love, You may feel love is not worth it. But what i have to tell you is your life revolves around love, you where created by love, to love and for love. God created you because he loved you and he had plans for you if not you would have ended up a bird, it won’t cost him anything.
He created You because he had a purpose for you, he didn’t create you useless and blank, he kept potentials in you, he kept powers you are yet to discover, you are stronger than you think, you are smarter than you think, you are more beautiful than any body say you are. Don’t look down on yourself because nobody believes in you. Only you has the power to change things for yourself not people’s opinions or people’s words. You were created because someone first loved you, so don’t ever say nobody loves you, you could have been aborted if nobody wanted you to come to the world.
You were created because your creator is love and you are love which means you give out love. Even if you fulfil nothing on this earth or you believe you can’t do anything, you have the power to love, you have the power to love deeply and passionately because love dwells in you.
If you think love is not for you, you were created for love, you were created because of love, you were created because someone had you in mind, you can love, you will love, you are love and love is you.
Someone out there loves you, someone out there is protecting you, someone out there wants to draw you back to the right path, someone out there doesn’t want you to take your life because he has loads of plans for you, but the question is will you give love a chance? Love gave you a chance, will you do the same?
Love is not an emotion or a feeling, love is known, love is sure.
Love doesn’t hurt, if you are hurt and you feel it’s because of love, it was never love, run.
Love endures all things, because you know what ever you are going through at the moment will fade, because you know trying times are temporary, you endure because you are love.
Love forgives, forgive your abuser, forgive the ones who left scars, forgive the ones who body shamed you because you are love.
Love is kind, love doesn’t bully, love doesn’t want everybody to go through the struggles they went through too.
Love conquers all, above all love is the one, every thing may leave, every thing may fade but love goes no where, you know why? Because love is in you.
No matter who you are people love you and are praying for you , i love you and I’m praying for you, you matter to the world, you matter to God, He created you for a purpose. Share love, radiate love, preach love because you are love and you are loved.
Don’t give up yet because love will conquer all things.

Feminists are not men haters.

Hey everyone, how are the holidays going?
It’s been a while since I dropped something here. Here’s to the people who think feminists are men haters. I will try my best to make this article as straight forward as possible.

Feminism has never been about women being more than men, it’s just an advocacy for equal rights.
Feminists are not bitter, they mean no harm, they don’t hate, stop insulting them. Most people are now afraid to be called feminists because they would be insulted on social media but feminism is meant to be a positive movement. Let’s get this right, feminism is meant for equality of both sexes and advocacy of women rights. Nobody is taking away anything from the men, feminism is not meant to be a threat. Feminism is not something that is not meant to be talked about, it’s not dirty or filthy.
Feminism is believing that a woman should vote, feminism is believing that a woman should earn a living, a woman should own properties, a woman should be allowed to rule, a woman should have rights. If you believe a woman should have equal rights as the man then you are a feminist.
Feminism is not just about a woman picking offence in rape jokes, or saying a woman should be allowed to open the car door, or yelling at men who catcall ladies, it’s about supporting equal rights. It’s not making the man inferior or the woman superior, it’s leaving them on equal grounds.
Feminism involves many complex topic like; Domestic violence, discrimination against women, rape, etc.
It baffles me when I see females that are calm about discrimination because they feel it’s normal and only want to stay out of trouble. You really need to stop that, you deserve better!
Females who don’t believe in feminism because they prefer to be the cooks, the washers, fully dependent, stay at home moms also miss the whole concept of feminism, because it gives you the right to make your own choices. So nobody is saying it’s bad to be a wife house, or a fully dependent woman, if that is your choice, it is respected.
What I’ve learnt from people who bash feminists and feminism is that they don’t understand what it is about.            Feminists are not saying a woman is a king, they are not saying women should be men, they are not saying women should not kneel before their husbands, they don’t hate men and marriages, they are not saying women should open the doors. It states that if a man can be paid a dollar for driving a truck a woman should also be payed a dollar, it states that if a man can work in a building site a woman can also work in a building site, it states if a man can walk freely in the market place a woman can also walk freely in the market place, it means daughters can inherit their father’s properties, it means a widow can get her husband’s properties, it means a woman can choose to keep her father’s name or have a compound surname to keep the legacy of her family. It means a woman can earn more than her husband and not quit her job to satisfy her husband’s ego, it is walking freely without the fear of being raped or insulted, it is choosing to get marry when it is convinent for you.
I laugh at some people when they say they are not feminists but they advocate for education of the girl child, advocate against child marriages and domestic violence, teenage pregnanacy, maternal mortality, that’s the real feminism.
Females are meant to be last people to bash feminism because the things you enjoy now you didn’t make the sacrifices for them.

Feminism is something that should keep being taught not something that is embarrassing.
The biggest problem of feminism is that nobody actually understands it.
This concept is being flogged by extremely ignorant and clueless people.


Don’t forget to click the like button, comment and share this article.
Enjoy your holidays.❤

Is a car now a requirement for a relationship?

screenshot_20181015-150802.pngI stumbled on something on Instagram today before my afternoon class, as you can see in the above image the two ladies discussing on something i bluntly disagree with. I thought i would just disagree and let it pass until i posted it and a friend of mine reposted it agreeing with them, that was what pushed me to write. It just means there are many ladies out there with this same mentality that they can’t date a guy who doesn’t have a car, i also took my time to show the post to about 3 girls who actually agreed with it.

I still stand my ground, i bluntly disagree with that post. In my opinion that post is just a result of ignorance, because some of those girls who have initially and will still agree with this, their fathers got a car after he got married . If a guy should wake up one morning and write; i can’t date a lady who doesn’t have a car let alone marry her, i know the riot that will happen on social media, he will be called all sort of names.

Now my question is you that wants your man to have a car because you were made for a life of enjoyment, why don’t you have a car???😐 since you can’t trek under the hot Sun. There’s a difference between a man who has a car and a man who has a goal and is financially stable. A man can have a car and is not financially stable, a man can have a car and not have a direction in his life, a man can have a car and be stingy, a man can have a car and not have a plan for his career, a man can have a car and not be able to afford a three square meal. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s wrong for a man to have a car or it’s bad to date or marry a man who doesn’t have a car.

This post is just meant to be a challenge to guys and ladies. To guys; you should try your best to be financially stable and have all the things needed to make your woman comfortable before thinking of settling down. And to the ladies; your main aim shouldn’t be on material things, just be sure to marry or date  a guy who is financially stable and you are sure in the nearest future can get you what ever you want.

Besides i thought in this generation, women want to be independent because every girl keeps shouting; I’m going to an independent woman. So whatsup with my man has to have a car, as an upcoming independent woman what you should be saying is my man shouldn’t be intimated by my money instead of my man having a car, we should have passed that stage. I know people will still have their different opinions on this matter, feel free to share it in the comment section, like and share.

Thank you and have a lovely week ahead.





Yupee!! I’m finally writing this article, I’ve been postponing this article and I’m writing it in school which is not what I expected at all. Well, this topic inferiority complex is a very broad one and I don’t think one article will be able to treat it all.
Before I move on, let me share my good news to the house. I’m in 200 level, waw time flies right? I can remember vividly my days in high school and today I’m this far not only in my academics but in my career. Congratulations to me I must say.
Now to the topic of the day, inferiority complex. I’m sure you have heard the word in several occasions. In my opinion at one point or the other each of us have suffered from inferiority complex and I’m going to be giving my reasons why I think so. Let me explain.
First and foremost what is inferiority complex? First we have to understand the two key words which are INFERIORITY and COMPLEX. Inferiority according to the Oxford dictionary, is the condition of being lower in status or quality than another or others. Synonyms; lowliness, inferior status, inferior position, secondary status, secondary position, subordination, subservience, subjection, servitude, etc.
Also, inferiority can be simply described as the feeling of not measuring up to others and to society standards. To make it simpler, when someone is inferior the person is lower.
Now what is complex? A complex is a related group repressed or partly repressed emotionally significant ideas which cause psychic conflict leading to abnormal mental states or behavior. It is also the manifestation of emotionally charge but repressed desires, ideas, and memories that remain active in a person’s unconscious mind and continue to influence his or her behavior( or cause neurotic disorders) without the person being aware of them.
In the definition of complex the last phrase said without the person being aware of them. That shows people have suffered from inferiority complex without them being aware of it.

Screenshot_20180922-181859.pngSimply, inferiority complex is the lack of self-esteem, a doubt and uncertainly about oneself, and feelings of not measuring up to standards.
When I brought the definitions of inferiority and complex together I came with, inferiority complex is the unconscious state of mind of one feeling lower in status and quality than another, According to the public critic.
Before the manifestation of inferiority there are some symptoms that will surface, inferiority complex is just like a psychological disease. Some how the recognize these symptoms and know that it is inferiority complex.
Some of the symptoms are;
• Social withdrawal: One of the major problem concerned with inferiority complex is social withdrawal. People suffering from inferiority complex will never want to associate with other people because they see them are giants and themselves as less.
• Pushing blames: Any slight fall or failure, the victim is quick to blame external factors for it such as bad luck, bad company or just the environment at large.

• Always comparing yourself to others: When the feeling of being inferior comes one starts comparing him/herself to other people. Saying stuffs like why am I not like him or why am I not like her? This springs the feeling of inferiority the more.

• Perfectionism: Perfectionism and inferiority complex go hand in hand, to the victim nothing he/she does is ever good in his eyes. Personally, I’ve been in this situation before although I knew there was something like inferiority complex I never knew I was suffering from it. That brings me to another reason why I said some people suffer from inferiority complex but they know nothing about it. Because, the symptoms may just feel like a normal feeling that every individual has but that’s not true the sad truth is that such a person is suffering from inferiority complex.
• There are many symptoms that can show that a person is suffering from inferiority complex some are;
• Feelings of guilt, jealousy or shame.
• Quick to judge people ( very judgemental).
• Extreme aggressiveness.
• Lack of self- confidence.
• Always try to hide your flaws, etc.

After giving these 9 symptoms, I hope you are able to realize if you have an inferiority complex or not. Although, they are still others which you can search for but these 9 are the common ones. As I said earlier inferiority complex is like a psychological disease and it can affect ones brain, mind and even body if not treated properly.

In order to make it not to get that far, how can we treat or get rid of inferiority complex.
1. The first step to take to get rid of inferiority complex is to know the source or the root. Some people have been suffering from inferiority complex since they were kids and only got to know about it maybe in their 20s. Some sources of inferiority complex can be parents, some parents have made their children see themselves as worthless. Other sources or roots are: weight, height, a scar, a friend, etc.
2. Change your mind set: The more you keep thinking everyone is better than you and you keep comparing yourself to others the more your situation worsens. You have to understand the fact that you were created by God in his image and likeness and you have the ability to do exploits. You have to understand that no matter your background, your weight, your height, the colour of your hair or the texture of your skin you have a purpose for being sent to the earth as a human being, else you would have ended up being a bird or a cockroach.
3. Stop worrying: let me share with you a quick experience, I became a better human being when I stop caring what people think about me. When I stopped asking myself Will she like this bag? or if I say this will he be happy with me?. My dears don’t displease yourself to please someone who isn’t worth it. If it doesn’t make you happy please don’t do it, It’s your life you are the one who is going to be accountable for it. Life is just too short to be caring what other people will think.
4. See the good sides in yourself: Yes everyone has their flaws, but at the same time we all have our strengths and our positive sides. Focus more on it than your flaws and see how you begin to build yourself, you may even discover your talent if you haven’t.
5. Positivity is key: Stay positive at all times, stop thinking and talking negatively. Stay positive at all times, when someone says something negative about you try and bring out the positivity in yourself.
6. Build self- confidence: remove the labels you have attached to your self, as lazy, ugly, fat, stupid. And see yourself as beautiful, thick, smart, intelligent ,etc. every morning you wake up look at yourself in the mirror and call yourself sweet names. Say things to people like Do you know I’m a very beautiful person. Do these things everyday and watch your self-confidence grow.
7. Start making positive steps: surround yourself with positive people and occupy yourself. Engage yourself in things like sports, go for competitions, go shopping, change your wardrobe, change your hair cut, go for campaigns, etc.
8. Lastly, continue working on yourself. Don’t stop!
I’m very glad I was able to write this article and I’ve finally gotten to the end of it. I hope someone has realized he/she is suffering from inferiority complex and has decided to get rid of it.
Today I want you to look at yourself and know where you stand and don’t forget continue to work on yourself.
Incase you are afraid to talk about your complex issues, you can send a message to http://www.thepubliccritic@yahoo.com and if you have followed all these steps and still think you are suffering from inferiority complex feel free to visit a counsellor. Don’t forget to like this post, drop a comment and share. I love you guys always.

Betrayal and forgiveness.

Forgiveness and betrayal those are two words that we hear almost every day. Someone betrays any person every single day on the surface of the earth, I’ve faced betrayal myself and I’m sure it’s not a new word to you too.
Now, what exactly is betrayal and what is forgiveness and why do they go hand in hand.
Before forgiveness is betrayal, there has to be a reason why you are forgiving someone isn’t it?
Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship among individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations.
I don’t think there is anyone who lives that hasn’t experienced betrayal. We all have been in different relationships with different people, we have agreed with people and there have been instances when one or two people we call our friend, partner, colleague, etc have done what we never imagined they could do and broke our trust thereby betraying us.
Betrayal is a very painful thing, and the people who do this know it’s painful so why do they still end up betraying the people who call them their own?
Betrayal is serious because it destroys trust, and without trust there can be no relationships. I think there are so many reasons people betray another. Some of these reasons are;
Excessive ambition.
And much more.
What are the causes of betrayal.
Lies, etc.
Betrayal can be very painful and cause lots of damage to someone but the best thing to do after betrayal isn’t revenge but regain oneself again by forgiving and moving on. This can be very hard that people have to go for therapies and counselling just to move on after a betrayal. But we can’t escape betrayal that is why we have to learn how to manage it.
This is where forgiveness comes in.
Now what is forgiveness? Is it really necessary? Does it make you forget betrayal? Does it build trust again?
I will give answers to all this questions in this part of the article. Now let’s define forgiveness.
Forgiveness is simply the act of forgiving, it is gotten from the word forgive. According to Wikipedia, to forgive is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let go of negative emotions such as vengefulness.
In lay man’s term, to forgive means to stop feeling angry towards someone for an offence. Forgiveness can be very hard especially when the one to be forgiven is a friend or a very close one. Like a wise man once said it is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. And this is because there would been an amount of trust that one would have for a friend and also an attachment that is why it is so painful to forgive a friend.
I’m sorry to say this but without forgiveness there would be no healing, so yes forgiveness is necessary. I used the word healing because a mind still holding grudges is a sick mind and when your mind is sick your body can also be sick. So the more you keep the grudge the more you die in silence. Forgiveness has loads of benefits attached to it. Forgiveness has been associated with:
Better self- esteem.
Lower blood pressure.
Lower incidence of heart disease.
Other psychological and physical benefits.
Is it not better to forgive and let your mind be free than kill yourself from the inside?
Of course when you forgive someone, you can’t forget what the person has done instantly. So, you have to make a choice to forget. The same way forgiveness is a choice, to forget is also a choice to make.
My own remedy to forget betrayal is living a successful, happy life. If you train yourself to constantly be more loving in thoughts and actions, your energy will attract more positive people and positive result. Remember as long as you have forgiven the person and you are willing to forget it is only a matter of time before you forget what the person has done. Also, ask God to help you.
Forgiveness is a process, but trust is a priced possession. Once your trust has been broken, it becomes even more valuable. That is why most people after being betrayed start having trust issues because they don’t want to be betrayed or their trust to be broken again. So the straight answer of this question is NO. trust must be earned.
In summary, we must of us want to forgive and free our minds but also we don’t want to be hurt again. There is a natural belief that if we forgive then we are not only saying what the person did was okay, we are being vulnerable enough to allow them to hurt us again. But no, we still see what the person did as wrong but we just want to live a positive life. After forgiveness it is now your choice if you want the relationship to be restored again or not.
Ps. This was an article I submitted to a company ealier last month for a job. And I thought someone meant want to see it, so why not share on my blog.
I hope you liked the article, if you have any question, comment or clarification that has to do with this article or any of my articles you can leave a comment below or send a message to my email publiccritic@yahoo.com.
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